


II PPs.

by DeadLegato After Dark (deadlegato)



Series: 12 days of Smutness/Smutmas 2020 [11]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: 12 Days of Smutmas, I can't believe you wrote this, Not Beta Read, Other, Sir Pentious Has Two Penises (Hazbin Hotel), Sorry Not Sorry, Twelve Days of Smutness, Why Did I Write This?, Why Lucifer Why, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28292604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlegato/pseuds/DeadLegato%20After%20Dark
Summary: Pentagram city is being overrun by something all right, but it isn't rats. It's... much... worse?
Series: 12 days of Smutness/Smutmas 2020 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074626
Comments: 18
Kudos: 15
Collections: The Twelve Days of Smutness 2020





	II PPs.

**Author's Note:**

> I was gently encouraged (threatened) into writing this by two individuals. I believe the exact words were WRITE IT in all caps. They know who they are! I hope you're happy.

Arackniss got a call from Pentious’ phone number, which he’d entered as “gunsmith” into his phone. This made him slightly worried, as Pentious knew better than to call him during working hours unless it was a real emergency. Then again, sometimes… sometimes Pentious thought burning the banana bread was a crisis.

“Hello?” he asked cautiously.

“Arackniss?” It was Cherri, which worried him. Why did she have Pentious’ phone? “Hey, there’s been a little… well… just a little accident in Pentious’ workshop.”

“Accident??”

“ I mean, we’re demons, so it will heal eventually, right?”

“Where are you!?”

“We’re at Pentagram Central hospital, but really, you don’t have to…”

Arackniss didn’t bother listening to the entire conversation before he was in his car, squealing out onto the main street. He pancaked two pedestrians in his hurry. Eh, Cherri was right. They were demons. They would heal… eventually.

.

From the way the nurses looked at him when he nearly knocked the emergency room doors off their hinges, they thought he was a scorned assassin there to finish a botch job. “WHERE IS HE?!” the small spider demanded, releasing a roar that could have turned even a lion demon into a whimpering mess.

“Arackniss!” Cherri hissed. “Sorry, sorry!” she said to the nurses, dragging him into a side waiting room.

“What happened? Where’s Pent?!”

“He’s up on floor five, but Arackniss, let me explain what’s going on first! Arackniss!” she shouted after him, chasing him as he was already running towards the elevators. “Arackniss, watch out for…”

The hospital had a “wet floor” sign out, as the freshly waxed floor was indeed wet. As his small spider paw hit the soaked spot, it slipped out from behind him, sending him crashing to the ground. He could feel the back of his head hitting the tile. Damn, he was going to have a lump from that.

“Are you okay?” Cherri asked, helping him up.

He pushed away from her and stormed to the elevators. The two rode up to the fifth floor in silence, the noise of Arakniss’ fuming keeping Cherri silent. “Which room?” he grunted. She silently directed him. He ran to his beloved snake, finding him laid out in one of the hospital beds. His eyes were closed, a mask over his face, tubes running in and out of his body. Only after tightly gripping his hand did Arackniss finally turn to Cherri. “What happened?”

“Well… you see… um… I… snuck up behind him and yelled boo while he was working on something in his lab. I didn’t know that the front of his apron was going to get caught in the lathe! I certainly didn’t know that catching his clothing was going to… to… to…” she wouldn’t look Arackniss in the face, staring instead down at her mismatched shoes. “He…”

The doctor, a massive red horned goat demon, entered the room. “He was snagged in the machinery before his omelet associates could pull the emergency power cut. I’m afraid, well… if you’ve ever wanted to have a portable life-like reproduction of your lover’s sexual appendages, I’ve got them on ice. Properly attached ones should grow back in a matter of days.”

“You mean he got… he got… caught in the…”

“That’s… that’s not all, Arackniss,” Cherri stammered, tears streaming from her one eye. “The doctors were worried that I might be in shock from seeing the accident when we arrived at the hospital, so they insisted I get an examination as well. Arackniss, I’m PREGNANT, and I don’t know which of you is the father!” she wept.

“H… hang on. This is too much information for me to take in at once,” he said, his legs shaking as he collapsed into the visitor chair.

There was suddenly a loud, pained moaning sound. Arackniss and Cherri both immediately looked at Pentious, confused when they realized it hadn’t come from him. Suddenly, the ice bucket the doctor was holding popped open, the lid going flying.

“Zombie dicks!” Cherri screamed in horror as one of them leaped up and straight into the doctor’s mouth. He could only cry in horror, clawing at it as it pumped in his mouth. The other one hit the ground when he dropped the ice bucket, slithering off impossibly fast like the snake it came from.

“Cherri, you stay here and look after Pent and the doctor! I’m going to stop that dick!” Arackniss cried, chasing after it. That was… possibly the weirdest thing he’d had to say since he died, and he’d said a lot of weird things. He wasn’t sure he wanted to use his guns in a hospital, and especially not on his lover’s… you know what… but he couldn’t let it get away!

Meanwhile, back at the hospital room…

“Get… off… of… him!” Cherri shouted as she finally managed to dislodge the other zombie dick. The force of it coming free caused her to fall backwards, accidentally throwing it up and against the back wall of the room.

The doctor groaned in agony and coughed. “Doctor, doctor!” Cherri shouted, going to help him.

“No… no! Get back!” the doctor shouted. “Get… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” he cried out in agony, his back arching in pain. A second later, there was a loud zipping sound as his own penis emerged from within his pants. It twisted around like a periscope, studying the room, before leaping out of his fly and taking off with serpentine movements across the floor. The doctor was left behind on the ground, holding his hands over his groin, sobbing.

“Dah fuq?” Cherri asked no one in particular. “Where’d the other dick go?” she asked, looking back and forth. It was only then that she noticed the window was open. “Shit. I’d better call Arackniss and tell him what’s happening!”

.

“Did you catch the other dick?” Arackniss asked, still chasing cock number two down the hallway.

“No, in fact, it got worse! The doctor’s dick turned into a zombie and it also escaped!”

“WHAT?”

“And the first zombie cock got out the window…”

“WHAT?!!”

“… Can you hear me? Is the line breaking up?”

“I can hear you, I just… hang on, I’ve got to stop this thing before it gets any further,” he said, hanging up. He pulled his guns. He felt bad about doing this to a part of Pent, but it had to be done before…

An orderly suddenly turned the corner before Arackniss could take his shot, looking at him in confusion. “NO! Get away from that!” he shouted.

“AAAH!” the orderly screamed as the zombie member attacked. He fell to the ground, helpless twitching as the mighty zombie cock devoured his fresh ass.

“Shit,” Arackniss grunted. Did he shoot the guy in the dick now to prevent another zombie from being made? He raised his gun but… but… damn it, he just couldn’t! He just couldn’t shoot another guy in the groin!

Which was, although noble, a regrettable decision as a few moments of humping later, the orderly’s fly popped open and two zombie dicks made their slithering escape across the floor. Arackniss fired several shots at them, but they were surprisingly quick and moved in a serpentine fashion, making figuring out where to aim more difficult. I can’t believe I’m chasing two detached cocks across a hospital shooting at them, he thought to himself.

He was temporarily distracted by someone outside screaming “LUCIFER HELP ME! OH LUCIFER! HELP!” He ran to the window and saw a man twisting on the ground in pain, and at least five zombie cocks chasing other screaming, fleeing victims across the hospital yard. He quickly turned his attention back to the two he had been chasing, only to realize in the moment he looked away, they had escaped. He groaned. As much as he hated to admit it, this was above his capacity to handle alone. Slowly, he pressed the buttons to call up his brother’s number.

“I’m just answering this call to tell you that I’m still not speaking to, you, Niss.”

“Anthony, wait! Please! You have to listen to me! There was an accident in Pent’s lab. Cherri scared him and he accidentally fell into a machine and now his detachable penises have escaped and they’re turning everyone’s dicks into detachable undead dildos!”

“… You sleep with my best friend and my worst enemy, and THAT’S the stupid cover story you come up with to try and avoid apologizing to me?!”

“It’s not a story, it’s true!”

“Call back when you’ve thought of a better one,” Angel Dust snapped, hanging up his phone. He stomped down to the bar, asking Husk to prepare him a drink. “My brother just told me the worst lie he’s ever come up with,” he snorted, taking his drink.

Before he could explain, however, an alert sounded on both demons’ phones. How Angel managed to fit his phone into his pocket and where Husk put his… we won’t ask that question. “Alert: Avoid the area of Pentagram Central hospital. Dick zombies are attacking indiscriminately and stealing the cocks of unsuspecting men,” Husk read out loud. “Is this a joke?”

“Oh, no,” Angel gasped. “Husk, you have to fly me downtown!”

“And risk losing our dicks!?”

“My brother’s down there! I can’t let the last thing I ever say to him be accusing him of lying about necro-cocks!” Angel pleaded.

.

Of course, Husk ended up giving into to Angel’s begging. As they were flying towards the hospital, Angel spotted something up a tree in the nearby park. “Wait a second, is that…”

Indeed, it was. Alastor up the tree, defending himself from the attacking zombie cocks with his staff. He was quite good with it. “Smiles!” Angel called. “Smiles, you okay?”

“No, I am not okay!” Alastor shouted back as he dispatched another squirming undead dick. “I tried to fight these… these… things… with my tentacle summons and they just… just started fucking them!” They knew Alastor was frantic if he had his guard down enough to swear in front of them like that. “Whenever I try to make a teleportation portal they just start humping that, too!”

“Hang on, we’re coming for ya!” Angel shouted.

“I can’t carry you both!” Husk pointed out.

Angel looked around wildly. “Then… then get me to that balcony over there and drop me, you circle back and save Smiles.”

“How will you get through the… sea of cocks?” Husk asked, looking down at the wrigglers, crowding the street like worms on a sidewalk after a rainstorm.

“I’m a jumping spider and a professional porn star. I can handle this,” Angel assured him. “Go, save Al before he has a brain aneurism.”

Indeed, the poor Radio Demon was now higher in the tree, his fluffy hair-ears down, whimpering “So… many… penises…” as they tried to crawl to his position. Husk arrived back just in time to snatch him away, the cocks angrily shaking back and forth as they escaped, spewing… something everywhere.

Meanwhile, a ring of cocks had circled around Angel. He crouched low. “Come and get me, you undercooked sausages,” he said with a grin. As the cocks leaped at him, he also jumped. The cocks all collided, giving one another bruised one-eyes. Leaping easily from position to position, Angel made his way over the wriggling stream of detached dicks. He had to get to his brother!

As he landed on the sidewalk next to the hospital, a lurking cock tried to jump him. It hit his rock-hard ass and bounced off, falling helplessly to the ground with a squirm. “That’s right, I’m a professional! I can clench like no one else can!” he said, referring to himself with a point of his thumb. Pulling out his guns, he grinned as the wave of penises turned their attention to him.

“You literal little fuckers think you can beat me?” he asked, cocking his… well, his guns this time, which wasn’t the cock he was used to preparing when he got down to business. “I was created for this moment.” Guns blazing, Angel Dust rushed the hospital. With lethal accuracy, penises splashed against the walls. Others, he crushed under his kinky boots. He made his way to the elevators, fighting his way through. 

As he got into the elevator, he took a quick sigh of relief, thinking he had a moment to catch his breath. A second later, however, a screw fell next to his foot. A moment later, another, and then one of the top panels of the elevator caved in… and a cascade of writing, slithering penises poured down into the elevator, burying him up to the neck.

As the elevator binged and the doors opened on fifth floor, Angel Dust emerged victorious, guns smoking and the dicks falling limply around him. “I told you. You can’t. beat. The. Clench. Of. A. PRO!” he said, shooting the last moving one twice to emphasize the last word.

“Anthony!” Arackniss cried in relief.

“Bro!” Angel answered. “Are you safe? Do you still have your cock?”

“I’m holding out, but barely,” Arackniss answered. “Cherri is holding the fort in Pent’s room. They don’t seem interested in women.”

“Hey, sounds like my cocks.”

“It’s actually Pentious’ cocks that started all this.”

“… Ain’t that the truth,” Angel grunted, looking away.

“Anthony?”

“I… I can’t believe he slept with my best friend and my brother! My BEST FRIEND! My BROTHER!” Angel shouted back. “I mean, normally if I found out Cherri was doing it raw-dog three way style with two guys, I’d tell her to invite me. But I’m not interested in pussy, I’m certainly not fucking my own brother, and I am not interested in fucking your snake boyfriend either!”

“Anthony, please, now is not the time…”

“If not now, than when!?”

“I know this may confuse you, Tony, but sometimes things aren’t always about you! Pent, and Cherri, and I… we have something special!”

“Something special that leaves me out in the cold.”

“What? No. Just because you’re not fucking with us doesn’t mean you can’t hang with us.”

“You say that now, but I’ve seen how relationships go. Soon any friend that isn’t the significant other… gets forgotten in the dust,” Angel said with a low sigh, his arms going slack.

“No, Anthony. Lucifer, I swear to you. We’re not just friends, we’re _familia_. And Cherri feels the same way.”

“Pentious?”

“Well you two can just ignore each other.”

They suddenly heard a loud, primal scream from down the hallway. It was Cherri, and she sounded in pain. They both took off running. When they arrived at the hospital room, Cherri was on the ground, holding something wrapped in blankets in her arms.

“Oh, Arackniss! The stress caused me to go into early labor!” she cried. “The babies are here!!”

“The babies?”

She turned the blanketed objects around. Two huge, eight to ten-pound cocks were wrapped in her arms. As Angel and Arackniss screamed, the two dicks leaped at them.

…

Angel woke up practically howling in terror. It took him a moment to realize he was safe in his own bed. A slightly annoyed to be awake Nuggets bumped his nose against Angel’s face.

Angel sat up, still huffing, clutching his chest as his heart pounded loudly. A few moments later, there was an urgent knock on his door. “Legs? The hell, Legs? What was that scream?” Husk asked. Knowing he cared melted Angel inside a little.

“I… I’m okay, just a bad dream.”

“You sounded like someone just cut your dick off,” Husk noted with a snort.

“Funny you should mention that… Anyway, he was awake. That meant it was time to start drinking, right? And what better way to wash that dream out of his mind than a good stiff drink. He guessed discovering his brother had been having it both ways with his best friend and his rival… well, it must have affected him more than he thought, if it was giving him insane dreams.

The argument he’d had with his brother in the dream was one they’d eventually have to have in real life. He wasn’t looking forward to that. “You coming, Legs?” Husk asked through the door.

“Yeah, yeah, just a minute,” Angel yawned, getting up.

When he opened the door, a giant grey penis with red wings was waiting for him. “Come on, Legs. Let’s get you a drink,” it said.

“Hu… Hu… Husker?”

“Something wrong, Angel dear?” a static-tinted voice called.

“Al, Al, something’s wrong with Husk! He…” but there was no Radio Demon standing there. There was only a massive red dick, with Alastor’s haircut and staff.

“What’s wrong with Husk? He looks fine to me,” the giant red Alastor cock said. “You look a little pale though.”

Angel looked in a mirror. Staring back at him, he saw a giant pink and white stripped dick.

.

Angel woke up yelling, again. This time, Husk was pounding on the door. “Legs? Legs, why are you screaming like someone cut your dick off?”

“Am… am I awake this time?” he asked. He quickly jumped up and ran to the door, throwing it open. There was a perfectly normal Husk and Alastor. Husk looked relieved, Alastor looked annoyed. “You’re both back to normal!” he cried happily, throwing his arms around them.

“… What?” Husk asked.

“I had a really weird dream. I’ll explain it to you later. I gotta get changed now,” he said.

As he turned around, he noticed his sheets were… sticky-wet, needing a laundering. He hadn’t realized the odd dream had aroused him enough to make him cum. Well, that would certainly go down in history as the *weirdest* wet dream he ever had. No doubt about that. He’d have to do his own laundry before Niffty got to it. He’d feel bad about giving her that task, since he actually liked her.

As Angel was changing, Cherri arrived at the hotel with two wrapped objects, holding one in the bend of each elbow. “Hey, Angel,” she said when she saw him, flushing slightly. “I felt kind of bad about what happened so I got you an apology gift.”

“Apology gift? What did you…” Angel’s face would have turned white if it weren’t already white. Cradled in the cloth she held… were two massive dicks.

“THE PENIS TWINS ARE REAL!” he screamed, running for his afterlife. He left an Angel Dust shaped hole in the hotel door in the process. “IT WASN’T A DREAM!”

“… I thought Angel liked big dildos?” Cherri asked in confusion.


End file.
